|
Even thought the club is closed we still need your humour stuffl Got any humour u think is better? got some internet junk? Good jpegs? movies?, Send it to us and we'll put it on here. Let us know your name (or handle) or remain anomymous CLICK BELOW TO SEND IT TO US AND
MAKE US ALL LAUGH
Getting Bored? Videos Powerpoint Pres Tesco Scam Jokes More Pics. Click to enlarge
Click below to find our how Micheal
Barry more did it! Find out about Hurricane shazza hitting Great Yarmouth
back to top The Greatest Lies in the World
back to top HURRICANE SHAZZA HITS GREAT YARMOUTH A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit In the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Great Yarmouth, Norfolk. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin ell" .. The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three Areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. The Beach FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Great Yarmouth. One resident, Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP?
back to top
Things not to say when hanging the Xmas Lights
Things Not To Say When Hanging The Lights Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these things. Here at Rosies we rush you an emergency list of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree. -- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..." back to top Toys You Won't See (at Toys R Us) This Christmas ~ Drill 'Em 'N Fill 'Em" Home Dentistry Kit ~ Boobs in a Bottle" Breast Enlargement Formula ~ "Jump-Start" Home Defibrilator Save someone from a heart attack without the hassle of rushing them to a hospital! ~ George Micheal "tours of American Parks" ~ "Golden Shower" Beer The only alcoholic beverage made from 100% recycled beer. ~ Micheal Jackson's Good parent guide ~ "Time Life Books Presents Home Surgery" ~ 'Stripper Fun' Barbie ~ "No Thanks" Trapdoor for Solicitors Installed with iron spikes, ~ "Balz-Off" Testosterone Repressor ~ Keychain Belly Rings Hang your keys on your belly button! ~ 'Gynecologist' Ken Comes with 'Sexy Patient' Barbie back to top back to top Signs Your Partner Is Cheating With Santa Instead of cookies and milk, she leaves out a fifth of Scotch and edible panties. Comes home with tinsel stuck between her teeth and Claus marks on her back. Of the 200 presents for her under the tree, you bought three of them. Never very adventuresome in bed, she suddenly asks if you want to do it "reindeer style." He comes in late, brushes his teeth furiously, uses floss and mouthwash for the first time in years, then says, "Well, it looks like I'm finally getting that train set this year!" Her picture is prominently featured on santasbitches.com. Every day after work, elves block you in traffic to keep you from getting home too early. She's shaved her pubic hair into the shape of a little chimney. Tells you that you would look a lot sexier if you grew a beard and added 4 stone. Every December 24th it's the same routine: She puts on a teddy and sits on the roof. back to top Wrapping Presents (With a Cat) 1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present. 2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door. 3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe. 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper. 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard. 6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. 7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed. 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string. 9. Remove present from bag. 10. Remove cat from bag. 11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present. 12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. 13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight. 14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper. 15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of. 16. Place present on cut-to-size paper. 17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry. 18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape. 19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors. 20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. 21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon. 22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn. 23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end. 24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper. 25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper. 26. Put present in box, and tie down with string. 27. Remove string, open box and remove cat. 28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room. 29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials. 30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock. 31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!) 32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas. 33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job. 34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat. 35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion. 36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat. 37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked. 38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present. 39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you. back to top Rosies top ten reasons why Santa Hates You 10. He eats milk and cookies -- and Humps your Girlfriend
9. Every naughty thing you did this year was videotaped and
posted on the Internet
8. On Christmas morning, your stocking stuffed with a severed leg
7. Only "gift" you received was left by Blitzen on your living
room carpet
6. Your stocking is ticking.
5. Sends Simon Cowell into your local just as your about to sing on Karoake
4. You get no presents -- when you bump into him later, he gives
you lame, "I thought you were a chav" excuse
3. Brings you one copy of every Take That CD
2. Turns Trigger and Mop loose on you
1. Writes "Happy Holidays" in the snow on the roof
back to top 10 Signs You're Sick of the Christmas 10. You've got red and green bags under your eyes. 9. You're serving reindeer pot pie. 8. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "NO, SCUMBAG! I'M NOT LISTENING!!!" 7. You climb on your roof and start gobbing on Christmas carolers. 6. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you. 5. Instead of spending time with family, the repeats of the Sound of Music. 4. You're Arrested for running through town wearing nothing but mistletoe. 3. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears. 2. Your standard response, "And happy Christmas to you too, you Chav lover!" 1. Two words tinsel rash. Signs Your Kids Don't Like Their Christmas Presents 10. There's something half-hearted about the way they say, "Oh wow -- Q- Tips". 9. They spend Christmas morning making up games involving Matalan carrier Bags 8. They hire a hit man to break Santa's kneecaps. 7. You see them trying to shove everything back up the chimney. 6. Spelled out in Legos on the front lawn are the words "You're Cheap!!!". 5. Moments after they unwrap gifts, you see them for sale on E-Bay. 4. Your son simply refuses to understand why you couldn't get him two hours alone with Kelly Clarkson. 3. They cite your gifts as a major factor in their decision to convert to Islam. 2. You wake up and find the head of Barney in your bed. 1. They ask, "Where'd you buy this stuff -- Crap `R' Us?" back to top Merry Christmas Y'All ! (How to say Merry Christmas on over 80 Languages Afrikaans - 'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar Afrikander - Een Plesierige Kerfees Albanian -- Gezuar Krishtlindje American - Merry Christmas Arabic - I'D MIILAD SAID OUA SANA SAIDA Armenian - Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand Azeri - Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun Basque - Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On Bengali - Bodo Din Shubh Lamona Bohemian - Vesele Vanoce Breton - Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat Bulgarian - Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo Celtic - Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda Chinese - (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan (Catonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun (Hong Kong) Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan Cornish - Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth Cree - Mitho Makosi Kesikansi Croatian - Sretan Bozic Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok Danish - Gladelig Jul Dutch - Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! English - Merry Christmas Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon Estonian - Roomsaid Joulu Puhi Farsi - Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad Finnish - Hyvaa joulua French - Joyeux Noel Frisian - Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier! German - Froehliche Weihnachten Greek - Kala Christouyenna! Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova Hindi - Bada Din Mubarak Ho Hungarian - Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket Icelandic - Gledileg Jol Indonesian - Selamat Hari Natal Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit Italian - Buone Feste Natalizie Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto Kala- Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha Latvian - Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu Lettish - Priecigus Ziemassvetkus Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu Manx - Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa Maori - Meri Kirihimete Marathi - Shub Naya Varsh Navajo - Merry Keshmish Northern Sotho Matlhatse le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa. Norwegian - God Jul Og Godt Nytt Aar Pennsylvania German - En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei Yaahr! Papiamento Bon Pasku i Felis Anja Nobo Pig Latin Errymay ristmaskay nday appyhay ewnay earyay Polish - Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia Portuguese - Feliz Natal Rapa-Nui - Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua Romanian - Craciun Fericit Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom Serbian - Hristos se rodi Slovakian - Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce Samoan - La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou Scottish - Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur Serbian - Hristos se rodi! Singhalese - Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa Slovak - Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok Slovene - Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto Spanish - Feliz Navidad! Swedish - God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ar Tagalog - Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon Tamil - Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal Thai - Sawadee Pee Mai Turkish - Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun Ukrainian - Srozhdestvom Kristovym Urdu - Naya Saal Mubarak Ho Vietnamese - Chung Mung Giang Sinh Waray Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig Welsh - Nadolig Llawen Zulu -Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni back to top Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed SCHIZOPHRENIA Do you Hear What I Hear? PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away).
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (as suffered by Premiership Footballers)
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.
PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you
Why.
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Queens Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and.....
DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
...(better start again)
back to top
Got any humour u think is better? got some internet junk? Good jpegs? movies? Send it to us and we'll put it on here. Let us know your name (or handle) or remain anomymous CLICK BELOW TO SEND IT TO US AND MAKE US ALL LAUGH laughedinearlycrapped@rosiesnightlub.com Advertise here Chatroom Competitions Contact us Find us Food Guestbook Hall of Fame Hall of Shame Links News Prices & Memberships What's On Whats Inside Whose Who Rosies Home Page | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|